


the best of me wants to love you (but the worst in me doesn't want to)

by hearden



Series: Legacy of Power [5]
Category: Power Rangers, Power Rangers Dino Thunder, Power Rangers Ninja Storm, Power Rangers Operation Overdrive
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, F/F, Guilt, Smut, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-28 09:23:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14446227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hearden/pseuds/hearden
Summary: Guilt leaves a terrible taste on Tori's tongue, but the taste of Kira's lips covers that up a little too easily.(A companion oneshot to Second Chance/prequel oneshot to Legacy of Power.)





	the best of me wants to love you (but the worst in me doesn't want to)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [bargalaxies](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bargalaxies/gifts).



> me? writing explicit fanfic? fckin wild
> 
> consistent tense who is she
> 
> anyway this is filthy angst and i love it

Tori twists Kira's arms behind her back, shoving her against the wall and pressing their bodies together. Kira doesn't make much noise in response, only a soft grunt of pain, but Tori's grip isn't that bad. The dark nothingness of the closet they're in helps ease Tori's mind as she moves Kira's hair out of the way with one hand, keeping her other hand securely around the other girl's wrists -- not that Kira is protesting. In fact, she lets out a quiet, breathless moan as Tori gently drags her teeth along her neck.

"Are you sure you wanna do this?" Tori whispers, keeping her voice low against Kira's ear. She aches when Kira audibly, sharply inhales, and that's the answer, but she wants to hear it.

"Never been more sure of anything in my life," Kira says, a dangerous, daring lilt to her chuckle.

 

-

 

After the fight with the Dino Rangers, Tori had shut herself in. It was an easy enough thing to do as a sensei of a  _ secret _ ninja academy, after all. She went through the motions of her life, juggling her time between her education, her duties at the academy, her new job at Storm Chargers, and her free time surfing. Things were lining up for her, and Tori should've been more than enthusiastic about that. Kelly was talking about branching out and had dropped some hints that she wouldn't mind if Tori was in charge of management at a second Storm Chargers or, perhaps, a sister store designed more to her own tastes. She securely had a job and career path once she graduated, but things still weren't right. Riding the waves didn't feel like it used to, and Tori found herself wiping out more and more, thankfully not while any of the guys were around.

In all honesty, it should've been something she would take to Shane or Dustin -- more likely the former than latter -- since they'd been there when, well, they'd been brainwashed by Lothor, too. They had turned on and fought the Dino Rangers, too. But, having spent most of her time at the academy being like "one of the guys," Tori didn't see her problem as something she could take to Shane or Dustin for advice, anyway. Especially since  _ she _ was the one usually giving  _ them _ help.

Either way, she never gets a chance to figure out  _ who _ to go to for help because her problem walks into Storm Chargers on a Saturday morning when the sun is out and the breeze is just right, and everything continues to line up perfectly, just for her.

"Hey," Kira Ford greets, smiling brightly, like the last time they hadn't seen each other wasn't during the aftermath of a whole fiasco where Tori had been brainwashed and almost kicked her ass.

 

-

 

Kira treats her to an ice-cold smoothie, but it's not enough to extinguish the fire of guilt in Tori's veins. Tori walks them around the streets of downtown Blue Bay, not really going anywhere in particular, but her guard is up the entire time. Unlike her, Kira walks like a carefree teenager, one who hasn't been trained in the way of a warrior for years, loose and unrestricted with her gestures and posture. She's constantly reaching out and playfully nudging Tori in the arm as she talks, something that Tori knows from experience herself that Kira probably got comfortable doing with Conner and Ethan, but, now, with a different context in her mind, Tori tries her best to distance herself from Kira's touch, even if it means not-so-subtly flinching away when Kira next puts a hand on her. The brief hurt that flickers over Kira's face sends a pang of regret through Tori's chest, but she sweeps it under the rug.

"I gotta ask you something," Kira starts when they come to an intersection and have to wait for the light to change.

Tori's stomach uneasily flips. "Sure."

"What's been going on with you?"

She hides her uncertainty behind a clearing of her throat, "I don't know what you mean?"

Kira shrugs, takes a sip of her smoothie, "You just seem different."

Tori rolls her eyes, letting out a fake chuckle, "This is, like, the second time we've ever hung out, and the first was because we'd just fought evil space aliens." There's an unspoken  _ You don't know me that well _ tacked on the end of her words, but she doesn't voice it aloud and hopes that Kira can pick up the clues.

"Call it Ranger intuition," Kira says.

"Ranger intuition?"

"Kimberly says it's a thing."

The crossing light turns white, and they walk over to the other side.

"You mean, like, your gut instinct."

"But  _ better, _ " Kira adds.

Tori shakes her head, "Better how?"

Kira pauses when they reach the opposite sidewalk and tilts her head at Tori, "I don't know. It told me I should drop by and catch up with you, so here I am."

"Yeah, here you are," Tori murmurs.

 

-

 

They exchange numbers before Kira leaves, saying that she has class to prepare for tomorrow morning but that she wishes she could stay longer. Tori mentally repeats to herself that, no, Kira really  _ wouldn't _ want to stay longer and simply tucks the slip of paper that Kira had written her phone number on into the pocket of her jeans and  _ conveniently _ forgets it in there the next time she does her laundry.

It reappears a week later, all shredded as she cleans out the lint that had collected in the dryer trap.

Everything continues to line up for her, but she chooses to ignore it, chooses to fuck it up on purpose herself before she can accidentally do so at a more crucial moment.

 

-

 

She and Blake had broken up shortly after the thing with the Dino Rangers. It just made sense. Things were changing for him and things were changing for her, so it was a mutual thing.

Or, at least, that's what Tori had told herself after she dumped him.

The truth is that it makes it easier on her. Blake doesn't come around, doesn't check up on her, and everything's fine. Hunter tries a few times, but, ultimately, when Tori won't talk about  _ why _ when things were supposedly doing fine, Hunter stops asking her, too. Shane and Dustin know better than to offer any opinion about it, but Tori can tell from just reading Shane that his inner Red has something to say about intra-team dating but won't say it to her face when she's hurting.

Cam is the only one she  _ will _ talk to, however. They've always had that kind of bond, even though he used to like her. They talked about it at one point, after Lothor had been defeated, and decided that it would be fine to stay friends. Feelings would fade, and Cam could be mature about her dating Blake, granted he wasn't under an evil love spell. He could be mature about her breaking up with Blake, too.

"What was it?" Cam asks the next time they hang out privately at the entrance to the academy. Tori's changed out of her sensei robes and has her jeans rolled up, dangling her feet in the water. Cam sits down next to her and starts taking his shoes off to do the same.

"It?" she asks like she doesn't know exactly what he's referring to.

"You know what I'm talking about," he says, giving her a stern look.

Tori sighs, "It's just… we drifted apart."

"So it was a mutual thing?"

"Yeah," she answers, quietly.

It's a trap, and she falls into it. Cam looks at her, silently, and she frowns, breaking under his gaze.

"Fine," she huffs, "I broke up with him because… I don't know. Everything's different." That's not quite true. Everything's still the same. Nothing that opens the skies or storms the seas has happened, it's just that…

"You mean  _ you're _ different," Cam amends.

She presses her lips into a thin line and stares down at her hands in her lap. "Yeah," she confesses after a few moments of silence, "I'm scared of hurting anyone else."

"Tori," Cam sighs, seemingly expecting this answer, "You know what I'm gonna say."

She nods, "I do." Clearing her throat, she pulls her feet up and stands, easily evaporating the water around her ankles with a wave of her hand. "I'm gonna head to bed. Goodnight."

"Here?" Cam asks, confused, when she starts to put her shoes and socks back on and walk away.

"My dorm," Tori answers, "I just need to be alone for awhile. I'll see you tomorrow."

 

-

 

Kira texts her, and Tori ignores every single one.

 

-

 

Come November, she accepts her invitation to her second Ranger Reunion and sees, upon clicking on the list of invitees that Kira has accepted, too. It makes her second guess herself, and she  _ almost _ goes back and declines, but the boys have been so excited to see the Dino Rangers again and Tori doesn't want to be the one who doesn't show up and ruin everyone's spirits, just like she pretty much has been ruining everything else recently.

They go on a road trip up to Silver Hills with her driving her van as usual, Shane and Dustin in the front seat with her and Blake, Hunter, and Cam in the backseat. It's no different than any road trip they've ever taken in her van, but Tori doesn't engage as much as she normally does with Dustin's geeky ranting about how excited he is to talk to Ethan about some new video games that are out or Shane's suggestion that, since Trent is an aspiring artist, they should all get the boy to draw them in a superhero comic.

"Like  _ you're _ cool enough to be the star of a comic," Hunter teases, reaching over the back of Shane's seat to pull his hood over his head.

"Hey, watch the hair!" Shane pouts and rolls his eyes, "Big talk coming from a discount red."

"Ooooh, damn, you're just gonna let him insult your color like that, bro?" Blake laughs as Shane and Hunter try to smack each other as much as Shane's seatbelt will let him twist around. His eyes catch Tori's in the rearview mirror, but she looks away and doesn't try to break the boys apart. Eventually, Blake looks away, too.

 

-

 

She ignores Kira the entire night, but Kira finds her, anyway, because it's like her guilt and regret are sending out a distress beacon.  _ Notice me, _ it says, and Kira does, finding her hiding away in one of the many closets in Collins Mansion and pulling her into a kiss that leaves a waterfall roaring in Tori's ears.

When Tori pulls back, she's reeling, her heart pounding too fast in her chest. "I--" She draws back, and Kira frowns, the smirk gone from her face as worry takes over.

"I'm sorry--" Kira starts.

"No, no,  _ I'm _ sorry," Tori interrupts, "I'm just-- I don't wanna hurt you."

"You were under Lothor's spell," Kira says, softly, taking a step forward to reassuringly rub Tori's arm. Her hand lingers, and Tori glances at it, a little nervously.

"It's more than that."

Kira raises her eyebrows but just waits.

"I…" Tori swallows the heavy feeling in her stomach and continues, "After… I thought about you a lot." When Kira smirks a little bit, Tori clears her throat, her cheeks reddening, and pouts, "Stop, it wasn't like that. It was… I thought about how we'd fought and how easy it'd been to just… give into violence like that… and how easy it felt like I could do it again."

"Hey," Kira says, shaking her head, "Look, I'm no stranger to what it feels like after a spell. Everyone reacts differently, but it's hard, and, you know, I just want you to know that you wouldn't hurt me. I trust that you wouldn't."

Tori makes sure that she doesn't look at Kira when she says in the quietest but audible voice she can manage, "What if… what if I wanted to?"

 

-

 

"Closet's locked, right?" Tori pauses to ask, glancing at where the door would be if she could see it.

"Seriously?" Kira whispers, but Tori just tightens her grip on Kira's wrists for a second, losing her own breath at Kira's quiet moan.

"Just wanna make sure nobody walks in," Tori murmurs.

"I mean, some people are into different things," Kira quips back, laughing when Tori shakes her head and presses another kiss to her neck. She can feel the lively rumble vibrate over to her own bones, and she clings to it. In here, there is no party outside, no normal life for her to return to. Just her and Kira and the darkness.

She grazes her teeth against Kira's shoulder, glad that the other girl is wearing a shirt that hangs off of one shoulder. It's perfect.

"Fuck," Kira breathes.

Oh, man, since when did one word sound so hot? Tori hums in delight, chuckling when she slowly grinds against Kira and manages to tease out another string of curses.

"Could you put your hand  _ somewhere? _ " Kira asks, huffing impatiently.

"As you wish," Tori murmurs, taking her free hand and slipping it under the front of Kira's shirt, gently dragging her nails against Kira's stomach.

"Lower," Kira says, an edge of pleading in her voice.

Tori hesitates for a second, her fingers pausing in the middle of the nonsensical path she's drawing across Kira's skin.

Suddenly, all movement stops, and Kira shifts, straightening. Tori almost lets go of her wrists and steps back, but Kira speaks first, "You okay?"

"Yeah, I… I just haven't…" She trails off, abruptly uncertain about how fast this is all going. Well, not quite fast since she's been ignoring Kira for  _ awhile, _ and Tori would be lying if she said she hadn't been thinking about many, many similar situations to this one, but… now that she's in the actual moment, it's different.

"No, that's okay--" Kira starts moving as if she's about to turn around, but Tori slightly readjusts her grip on her wrists, letting her know that she's still interested.

"No, no, I still wanna do this," Tori says, quietly, "I just…" God, why couldn't she find the right words to say?

Kira is silent for a moment then nods to herself, settling back against the wall, "Alright, well, then, let's keep going."

"What about…?" Tori asks.

"I'll need my hands back," Kira says, casually, and Tori lets out a surprised noise, her body tingling.

"Oh. Okay, yeah." She releases Kira's wrists and, unsure of where to put her free hand now, rests it on Kira's hip, pulling their bodies flush together. There's the unmistakable sound of a zipper being undone, and Tori groans, digging her nails a little harder against Kira's stomach. They're so close, limbs brushing against each other, and, God, she can tell she's about to fucking lose it in the next few minutes.

Tori knows where Kira's hand is the moment she moans quietly and lets her forehead  _ thump _ against the wall, her breath hitching. She grazes her lips against Kira's ear, "Are you wet?"

"What do you fucking think?" Kira says, her words cut off by a gasp when Tori bites down on her shoulder. She curses, jerking her hips, " _ Fuck. _ You know I-- oh, God, you know I still have to wear this later, right?"

"Good," is all Tori says in response. She continues applying pressure in her effort to get Kira to push herself over the edge, her hand wandering higher instead of lower and her teeth bruising skin harder with every moan Kira lets out.

"Shit, okay, I can't do this," Kira mutters, and Tori pauses.

"What--"

Kira turns around, bringing their lips together roughly, panting as Tori takes advantage of the new angle to pin her against the wall with her whole body, grinding her hips against where she can feel Kira's hand moving underneath her jeans.

"This is  _ so _ much better," Tori manages to say between breaths. Everything is too much, lined up perfectly, the electricity in the air between them, how her heart races every time Kira moans because she knows that's  _ her _ doing, how sweet Kira's lips taste, a hint of fruit punch still on them.

Kira comes with a loud moan and Tori's name on her tongue, and Tori kisses her, desperate and yearning, muffling the sound and tucking it away to keep for herself only.

 

-

 

Unsurprisingly, they don't stay for the rest of the night. Tori feels bad about leaving the boys at the Ranger Reunion, but her van is still there, so… she doesn't  _ really _ feel bad if they wanted to leave if she wasn't there to drive them. The door to her dorm room slams open, and she closes it just as quickly, struggling because Kira is in her arms and won't stop trying to kiss her, rough and messy and carefree.

They don't talk. She leads Kira to the bed, which is thankfully only feet away from the door otherwise she'd be in a lot of trouble, and Kira playfully pushes her down onto it, a grin on her lips the entire time. Tori hadn't turned the lights on when they came in, but her blinds are open and the moonlight and street lamps outside softly illuminate her view of Kira, casting light and shadow across her face in all the beautiful ways.

Kira climbs on top of her, straddling her, and Tori tilts her head to the side, groaning into her bedsheets. She lets herself be pulled into another kiss, this one slower and softer, but she's breathless, anyway. "I wanna make you feel good," Kira murmurs, brushing her lips along Tori's jaw then down to her neck where she lightly drags her teeth along skin. Tori bucks her hips, groaning frustratedly. It feels even  _ worse _ when she's on the receiving end in the best fucking way possible.

"Fuck," she breathes, moving to help Kira take off her shirt then her own, "You already do."

"Well," Kira starts, coyly, getting up and helping Tori kick off her jeans and panties. She's glad that it's dark and that they can only see so little because she feels safe in this nothingness, sprawled out on her bed for Kira to make do with. Kira kneels down at the foot of her bed, nudging her knees apart. Panting, Tori just goes along with it, staring a hole into the ceiling and gasping every time Kira's lips gently brush against the inside of her thighs. She can't think straight when Kira's fingers are tracing teasing, nonsensical lines and shapes against her skin along with the pleasing sensation of her lips. "I wanna see you turn into a mess."

Tori scoffs, clutching at her sheets and clenching them in her fists. Her body is overheating, and she desperately wants Kira to start cooling her down. "I'm  _ already _ a mess," she whimpers, "Just--"

"Just what?" Kira asks, and Tori doesn't have to look to know she's raising her eyebrows in that way of hers like she doesn't already know.

"Just  _ fuck _ me."

Kira chuckles, "As you wish."

 

-

 

It's only been a couple of hours, but Tori figures out very quickly that she's learning a  _ lot _ about Kira, especially when there's only nothing but  _ appreciation _ when she accidentally, passionately, tugs at Kira's hair in an effort to bring her closer and Kira digs her nails into Tori's thighs and moans loudly from between her legs.

She ends up tugging harder, and Kira makes sure that there's stars behind her eyes when she comes.

 

-

 

The next morning, Tori wakes up before Kira does because she's always been used to waking up on a strict regimen, and Kira is naked on her sheets, and last night wasn't some wild punch fever dream. She quietly moves down the bed, settling between Kira's legs, doing her best to not wake the other girl up. Tori starts out slow, higher, trailing kisses down Kira's stomach, covering every inch she can and relishing how soft the morning is, how soft Kira's skin is, and how blissed out she feels upon waking.

Tori has more scars than Kira does. It comes with the upbringing and the training, fighting enemies who are actually trained in the art of brawling rough like she is. But, Kira has some scars, too, from her days as a Ranger, and they look fresher than Tori's does. She runs her lips along every single one she finds, giving it the care that her heart wants to let pour out.

Kira wakes before Tori moves down between her thighs, stirring and asking, groggily, "What're you doing?"

"What's it look like I'm doing?" Tori cheekily murmurs as she presses a gentle kiss to the curve of Kira's hip.

"You don't have to," is Kira's only response as she lets her head fall back onto the pillows.

Tori is sure she's only saying that because she's kind and sweet, but she can also feel the desire in the air, mirroring her own, and says, firmly, "I want to."

 

-

 

As Ranger Reunions don't last only one day, they have to drag themselves back to Collins Mansion, and, as expected, Tori immediately finds herself under the obnoxious gazes of her boys when she lands in the driveway and Kira stumbles and groans, still not used to the feeling of ninja streaking.

"We were a little worried when you didn't spend the night here," Cam says first, raising his eyebrows slightly, but a hint of a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth.

She sighs and gives the others a stern look, "Don't."

Kira grins bashfully next to her, biting her lower lip. It's an amusing change from last night, one that Tori greatly enjoys, if she's telling the truth. They're both different in the sheets, alone, with nobody else to see them but each other.

Tori huffs and drags Kira into the mansion by the hand.

Dustin calls out behind them, "Get it, Tor!"

She threatens to kill him later, but Kira protests in the name of a fellow yellow.

 

-

 

The guilt comes back, though, as the day rolls into night and everyone gets down to different activities. There's a volleyball tournament going on in the backyard, right next to the swimming pool where some guys have dunked poor Dustin. Tori laughs as she wanders around the area and dries his clothes with a wave of her hand, and he immediately glances around, looking for her and flashing her two thumbs up. Then, Justin comes barreling by and tackles Dustin right back into the pool with a gleeful shout.

Tori rolls her eyes and turns to head back into the house.

And bumps into Kira.

"Oh, hey," she says, caught off-guard.

"Hey," Kira says, smiling, "I was just wondering if you wanted to play a game? Tommy thinks him and his old team can beat me, Conner, Ethan, and Trent, and we need another person."

"Um, well." Tori glances over at where the makeshift volleyball court is and spots Tommy joking around with Jason, Billy, Zack, and Adam. "No girls on their team?"

Kira shrugs, "Kat and Tanya are inside."

"Actually," Tori says, quietly, "I'm gonna have to pass. I have a test next week, and I'm probably gonna spend the rest of the weekend studying."

"Oh, alright, good luck on your test, then," Kira takes the news in stride and nods, pulling Tori into a hug. Tori shudders when Kira brushes her lips against her ear, whispering, "Feel free to gimme a call whenever."

She tries not to vomit the entire time as she leaves the party and hands her keys off to Cam.

 

-

 

Her feelings don't make sense. On one hand, she likes Kira. Probably a little  _ too _ much, and it wouldn't make sense for anything else, considering how much she's thought about Kira in the past and how  _ right _ last night had felt.

But, on the other hand, a part of her feels dirty, unclean, and tells her that she'd been wrong to indulge herself last night, and that's what Tori latches onto as she lays in bed, boring holes into the ceiling, not studying for the test that she actually does have next week. It's not as time-sensitive as she'd played off to Kira, though, so she has more time than she truly needs to slowly kill herself with regret.

 

-

 

She answers, finally, for the first time, when Kira calls a few weeks later as December rolls in. Tori's finals were over the week before, so she's completely free when Kira rings her up.

_ "Hey! I just wanted to check in on you, see how you're doing." _ Kira's voice is a little uncertain, so Tori quickly works to get rid of that.

"I'm doing alright," she sighs, "Better now that I'm hearing your voice, actually."

_ "That's gross." _ Kira laughs, so light, so heartfelt.  _ "Well, I kinda wanted to talk about the reunion and… you know. I don't want it to be a one-time thing. I mean, unless you do because that's cool." _

Tori hums, aware of the ache in her bones and between her legs, "We can make it  _ more _ than a one-time thing."

_ "You don't happen to be in New York, do you? I'm free the rest of today." _

Tori chuckles, but she's already checking on her laptop what the weather is currently like in New York City and grabbing a thick jacket from her closet. "No, I'm not,  _ but _ I can be there soon."

_ "Can you do that?" _ Kira asks, curiously,  _ "Ninja streak across the country?" _

"First time for everything, right?"

 

-

 

"Didn't you say you have a final tomorrow morning?" Tori asks, even as she slips a second finger inside of Kira, thrusting as rough as she feels. Kira can handle it as she's proven before. Tori might be water, but she's a waterfall, not a calm river, and Kira is the spark that can set forests ablaze.

"Are you seriously being responsible right now?" Kira asks, exasperatedly, her words turning into a frustrated moan when Tori curls her fingers in response, "Fuck, Tori,  _ harder. _ "

"I'm just saying," Tori murmurs, leaning down to gently kiss her as she obliges, "You've really got your priorities straight."

"Excuse you," Kira mutters, panting and writhing in pleasure, "My priorities are --  _ fuck _ \-- bi, thank you very much-- oh, God, fuck."

 

-

 

Tori spends the night in Kira's cramped city apartment, falling asleep to the sound of car horns blaring and Kira's arm draped over her waist. It's easier to sleep alone than the reality, now, because her mind won't stop thinking about how she feels but doesn't want to feel and how she  _ feels _ and Tori knows there's a hickey forming on her neck and that Kira's lips burn every time they touch her skin.

 

-

 

She drags Kira out of bed because, even with the additional exhaustion of exerting herself to ninja streak across the damn country for one girl, Tori can still wake up like she's back at the academy.

They fuck in the shower, too, under cold water at Tori's insistence, and Kira grumbles, but her irritation and morning crankiness is replaced by loud moans as Tori drops to her knees, drops of water dripping down her back as she commits the taste of Kira to her tongue.

 

-

 

Kira goes to her final. Tori waits in her apartment, lounging around, entertaining the idea of stripping her clothes off again and waiting in bed for when Kira returns. She has a little bit of time to kill, though, so she explores as much as superficially possible, not opening any drawers or cabinets but just looking around at what Kira has laying around.

It doesn't take long for Tori to find a quaint bulletin board Kira has hanging over her desk with pictures of the Dino Rangers and graduation celebrations pinned to it with thumbtacks. Tori pauses when her eyes drift to the bottom left corner of the board and she sees, in her own handwriting, the slip of paper she'd given Kira months ago with her phone number on it, pinned to the board with a blue thumbtack. The writing is slightly faded, but the piece of paper itself isn't too crinkled as if Kira had taken special care to not shove it haphazardly into her pocket.

Tori grips the edge of Kira's desk, closing her eyes and counting to ten.

She doesn't even get to three before she thinks about how horrible of a person she is, so she commits to that, too, and takes a piece of paper from Kira's printer, leaving a note about being needed at the academy.

 

-

 

She never truly apologizes for taking off like that and Kira, oddly enough, doesn't bring it up, but Tori accepts Kira's invite to come back to New York for the coming of the new year. They have dinner for once, a change, but it feels like something for the worse in Tori's mind, and end up giving each other bedroom eyes the entire time.

It's a nice restaurant. Steakhouse.

Kira texts her under the table, and Tori quickly takes her phone  _ off _ the table once she sees the message preview, just in case their waiter comes back around and happens to see it because,  _ God, _ that'd be embarrassing.

_ You look stunning in that dress, but I'd like to see it on the floor. _

Tori shoots Kira a look, who just shrugs and grins at her. She texts back:  _ We're in public. _

"So?" Kira asks out loud, raising her eyebrows, suggestively.

"Fuck you," Tori mutters, crossing her legs under the table and trying not to think about, well, about Kira. Her efforts are useless because Kira lightly brushes her foot against Tori's ankle, and Tori curses her decision to wear a dress tonight.

Kira's eyes light up. "Is that a promise?"

 

-

 

The TV is running in the background, but neither of them pay attention to it. The lights are still off as they always are, but the room is lit by the TV's glow. As the ball drops in Rockefeller Plaza, Tori fucks Kira in earnest, dragging a low moan out of her throat and reveling in how she can never get tired of Kira breathlessly gasping her name. She collapses next to her, slowly licking her fingers clean and chuckling when Kira presses her face into her pillow and groans.

"Happy New Year," Tori says, "How's that for a kiss at midnight?"

Kira laughs and rolls her eyes, "Shut up." She pulls herself into a sitting position, drawing the sheets up to her chest, "Hey, so, there's this thing in a couple of weeks, and I was thinking about inviting you. You don't have to say yes, though, it's totally fine."

Tori props herself up on her elbow. "You're gonna have to be more specific than  _ thing. _ "

"It's a… gala," Kira says, slowly, "Like for famous people or something. I don't know, Tanya pulled some strings and got me an invite, so that's happening. She says it's a good way for me to get out there, you know? Maybe I'll find someone to give my demo to, if I'm lucky, and she's taking Kat, so, you know, at least two people I know are gonna be there. I just figured I didn't wanna go alone…"

"I, um, I can't," Tori answers before even thinking about if she can or not, "I don't…"

"It's okay," Kira says when she trails off, "You don't have to explain yourself. You don't wanna go, then you don't wanna go."

"I'm sorry," Tori whispers, quietly, but she doesn't quite know which of the many, many wrong things she's done she's apologizing for.

"It's  _ okay, _ " Kira repeats then places a hand on her cheek and kisses her softly.

 

-

 

Tori withdraws again. She hears about the gala Kira had invited her to and reads about it in some entertainment tabloids. The rumors about Tanya and Kat dating aren't apparently rumors anymore, if the pictures of them kissing on the red carpet are any indication. It doesn't take Tori long to find articles on the Internet of the gala itself and even less time for her to stumble upon pictures of Kira. The information is vague, but the paparazzi hadn't wasted any time digging up Kira's history as a Reefside teen who just liked skipping class to play her guitar out in the courtyard. Her connection to  _ the _ Tanya Sloan definitely plays to her advantage, and there's no shortage of pictures of Kira on the red carpet in a soft, yellow evening gown adorned with elegant, black accents.

In one of the pictures, the photographer has captured a perfect candid of Kira in conversation with Kat and Tanya, and Tori's heart clenches as she thinks about how she could've been there with them, had she said yes.

 

-

 

Kira calls her the weekend after the gala.

_ "I got signed," _ she exclaims, and Tori can imagine the grin on her face, bright as ever.

Against her better judgement, she ends up back in Kira's apartment, pinning her against the door and slipping a hand down her shorts, lightly grazing her teeth against Kira's ear and whispering about how good it all feels, how great Kira's doing, how beautiful she looks like this, head thrown back against the door, eyes closed, Tori's name tumbling out of her lips every few seconds.

She has Kira coming with a needy whimper, holding her when she buckles, panting and groaning breathlessly.

 

-

 

The distance is too much, especially since it wears Tori out to ninja streak across the country and neither of them would dare pay for a flight, and Kira says something about not meshing well with the label that had signed her, so at the beginning of the summer, Kira starts crashing in Tori's dorm room, which is completely fine. It's  _ probably _ not allowed with her university's policy against squatting, but Tori doesn't care. Kira brings out another side of her -- reckless and carefree and wild.

Having Kira in the same bed every night doesn't help her mind or her body. They fuck often, and Tori doesn't shy away from calling it that in her head, but she never dares says it aloud to Kira. Something about the way she sees this -- whatever it is -- is filthy and wrong, and Tori doesn't want that to touch Kira, who is too soft, even though she's tough, too kind, even though she's bold, for someone like her.

Kira tries to get her to go out with her, and Tori has a hunch that these outings are all considered dates, but she doesn't want to think about that so she always brings Kira home and they're both easily coming undone in each other's arms by the end of the night.

 

-

 

In some amusing irony, at the next Ranger Reunion, they're back in the same closet as before. Tori kinda feels bad this time around that they keep fucking in the Collins' mansion like this, but she forgets to feel bad when Kira drops to her knees and kisses the curve of Tori's hip and tugs her jeans down.

After, when they've tried their best to make it look like they  _ didn't _ just have sex in a closet but it's painfully obvious anyway because Kira keeps smirking to herself and Tori keeps rolling her eyes, they run into Kat and Tanya in one of the many living rooms.

"Hey, congrats," Tori says, motioning to how Tanya is cuddled up to Kat's side.

Kira must be one of those people who mirrors body language because she slips an arm around Tori's waist, and, normally, Tori doesn't mind it, but she doesn't know how she feels about it in public, even if this isn't  _ public _ public. This is where people who know them are.

"Thanks," Kat says, smiling, and nods at her and Kira, "Congrats to you two, too."

"Oh, uh," Tori swallows and glances at Kira, the answer of  _ We're actually not together _ on the tip of her tongue, but Kira gets there first.

"Thanks," she says, quietly, giving Kat a small smile.

 

-

 

They're not even dating, and they have their first fight that night when Tori takes Kira back to her dorm room. It's in the air. She could feel it the moment Kat had congratulated them for getting together in the pause she had had and the pause before Kira's quiet answer.

Kira flips the lights on when they walk in and stays standing by the door, and Tori sighs, sitting down on her bed, expecting it.

"What do you want?" Kira asks.

"What do you mean what do I want?" Tori stares at Kira like she doesn't know exactly what she means by that. Playing the dumb blonde has never worked well on her.

"I mean exactly that."

"I… You. I want you," Tori says, shrugging. She doesn't know how else to answer.

Kira sighs, shaking her head, and crosses her arms, "That's not… good enough."

Tori furrows her brows, "What do you  _ mean _ it's not 'good enough'? What the fuck is 'good enough'?"

"Well," Kira throws her hands up, "Are we just  _ fucking? _ Or are we, like,  _ together? _ Because, either way, you've gotta let me know, Tori. I don't care if you just wanna have sex, like, that's totally fine, but I've practically moved in with you at this point, so I just wanna know if I'm wasting my time and my feelings."

It  _ does _ sound unclean when Kira says it out loud. Tori hangs her head in shame and runs a hand through her hair, but she doesn't have an answer.

"You know," Kira continues, quietly, "It hurts that you only fuck me with the lights off."

"Kira--" she starts, but it's too late. 

Kira already has the door halfway open and says over her shoulder, "Call me when you've figured things out. I'm always around."

 

-

 

Tori spends the next day out of her dorm room on purpose, just in case, so when she finally comes back after midnight, dead on the inside, she's not surprised to see that Kira has moved all of her stuff out and left the spare key on her desk.

 

-

 

She doesn't call Kira. Doesn't even think about it, but, obviously, the boys notice that Kira isn't hanging around Blue Bay anymore. Nobody comments on it out of respect for her and probably with knowledge that Tori would just ignore them, anyway.

Kelly finally gets the sister store to Storm Chargers up and running, so by the spring, Tori is managing a brand new surf shop and actually is excited for the coming season, if only because being excited for working takes her mind off of Kira.

In the summer, Kira comes out with her first album. Tori pretends like she hadn't noticed when Dustin mentions it and comes into the store with a copy in hand, but she definitely had noticed. Against her better judgement, as always, she goes out and buys a copy for herself at the end of the day.

There's seven tracks on there, and five of them are clearly about other Rangers. Tori can easily guess who  _ All-Star, Numbers, Masterpiece, and Legacy _ are about. She listens to every track on the album except for the one titled  _ Waterfall. _ That's not a reality she wants to face, maybe ever.

 

-

 

Kira's singles are a steady hit on the radio, and her popularity only soars when she becomes the opening act for Tanya's new tour. Of course, everything would line up so that Tori hears the most recently chosen single from Kira's album when she's on her way to watch Dustin's race with Blake beside her in the passenger seat.

It's the one song she still hasn't heard, but Tori knows which one it is immediately.

_ "Your love is a raging waterfall, and I'm caught up in it." _

Tori frowns and reaches out to change the station, but Blake catches her with a hand on her wrist.

"You don't like this one?" he asks.

"Don't," she warns and yanks her hand out of his grasp, turning the dial to any other station. Rock seems like a safe option since she knows Kira won't abruptly pop up there.

"Even Dustin managed to figure out who she's singing about the first time he listened," Blake says, sadly, chuckling under his breath.

She so doesn't want to be here right now, talking about her ex-almost with her actual ex-boyfriend. "I don't wanna talk about it," Tori huffs.

"You haven't wanted to talk about it -- whatever  _ it _ is -- for almost two years, Tor," Blake sighs, ignoring her, "C'mon, I think you need to face it. This isn't about Lothor's spell anymore. Maybe it never was. It's something else, and you… you have to face that."

Tori clenches her jaw, "No, I really don't."

 

-

 

She skips the next Ranger Reunion, which is pretty sad because, apparently, the new team was from some town called Briarwood and had capes and, according to Cam, Dustin wouldn't stop freaking out. Tori had legitimately wanted to go, but seeing that Kira had already marked herself as going had made her decline, instead.

 

-

 

In the end, she caves and finds out from Trent what Kira's updated address is. It's all the way back in Manhattan, so she braces herself and ninja streaks over. Tori spends about ten minutes pacing down Kira's hallway, psyching and un-psyching herself up and down for the talk that she still doesn't want to have. Finally, she gets to some compromisable point of  _ Well, fuck, I'm already here, so why not _ and raises her fist to knock on the door. She hasn't even made contact yet when the door swings open and Kira greets her with raised eyebrows.

"Hey."

"Um, hey," Tori says, glancing past Kira's shoulder at Adam, who's sitting on Kira's couch, "Is this a bad time?"

"No, not at all," Adam calls out, "Actually, you're right on time."

"For… what?" she asks.

"Adam was in the city to visit Kat and Tanya, so he dropped by and then… we got another visitor," Kira say, scratching her head, "It was kinda weird, but, anyway, we're being called back into action."

"Oh, okay--" Tori makes to leave, but Kira reaches out and grabs her wrist. She stops, if only because it's such a shock for her to be in physical contact with Kira again after basically a year apart.

"No,  _ we _ means you too," Kira explains, "The, uh, Sentinel Knight -- that's what he said his name was, I didn't ask why -- he said he sensed you were on your way and told us to wait for you to show up while he went to get the rest of the team."

"The… rest of the team?" Tori asks.

Adam and Kira both shrug. "I guess we'll find out soon enough," Adam says, "But the Sentinel Knight said he restored your powers, so if you have your morpher, we're good to go."

Tori raises her eyebrows and reaches inside her bag, pulling her morpher out, "You mean he got  _ this _ working again? I think I would've noticed if something happened to it."

Kira shrugs again and holds the bracelet on her wrist up, "I mean, there weren't any bright flashing lights or whatever when he restored mine, so there wasn't really anything to notice."

Strapping her morpher to her wrist, Tori sighs and lowers her voice so that Adam wouldn't overhear, "I… I came to talk to you."

Kira glances at her for a second, and Tori definitely doesn't miss how familiarly Kira's eyes flicker down to her lips, but she shakes her head, "Guess you'll have to wait 'til we're done here."

 

-

 

The Hartford Mansion isn't anything like the Collins', but still, Tori ends up in a closet in the hallway once again, Kira in her arms, heavily breathing and quietly moaning. It's always like this. She slips her hands underneath Kira's shirt and makes a move to take it off, and that's when Kira stops her.

"Wait," Kira says, panting, "Do you-- should we  _ really _ be doing this all over again?"

Tori pauses, "I mean… there's an obvious right answer to that."

She can feel Kira staring at her, waiting.

"Ugh, fine," she sighs and pulls her hands away and takes a step back, "We're adults, right? We can handle this properly." She fumbles, dragging her hand along the wall until she finds the light switch and flips it on, squinting against the sudden brightness.

"I know I can," Kira says, raising her eyebrows, "Can you?"

"That's a low blow," Tori mutters, "But I deserve it. I was selfish and kept telling myself that I was protecting you from getting too close because I didn't wanna hurt you, but…"

"But that ends up hurting me, anyway," Kira finishes.

"Yeah."

"Do you wanna be together?" Kira asks, quietly, reaching out to take Tori's hands in her own, "Because I do. I don't wanna do this friends-with-benefits thing again because, as fun as it was, it sucked, and I know you know it sucked, too. I just… I wanna  _ be _ with you. I wanna be your girlfriend, not your hookup buddy."

"We'd have to work for it," she concludes, simply.

Kira scoffs a little, "Like hell, I'd make  _ you _ work for it."

Everything has lined up once again, over and over, and there was no way she could've ever expected to end up on a team with Kira, three years after they'd originally met, but after all the misses she'd purposefully set into motion, Tori knows she can't mess this time up. Maybe there wouldn't be another chance after this if she doesn't take it now. She can't keep counting on the universe to clean up her messes.

"I wanna be with you, too," she says, finally, and means it.

**Author's Note:**

> title from Worst in Me - Julia Michaels
> 
> expanded from this kira/tori prompt i wrote awhile ago: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11068341/chapters/31658157


End file.
